Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
there is glitter all over my balls
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
