I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
