I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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