jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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