Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
