That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
