oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
