More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
