What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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