Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You ate ashes out of my bong
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
