The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
