Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
