I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
