it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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