sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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