It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
