He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
