I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
