i think my tv is drunk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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