I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
