Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
