Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
