Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
