What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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