It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
