Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
