yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
