I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
