I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
