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how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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