Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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