saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
