she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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