I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
