I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
