dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
