Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.

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(530): View more from California

Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me

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(410): View more from Maryland

I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.

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(214): View more from Texas

Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.

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(813): View more from Florida

Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.

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(613): View more from Ontario

So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.

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(632): View more from

Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.

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