i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
