then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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