Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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