Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
