She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
