My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
