i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
