my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
