Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
