So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
