it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
