she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
