I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
