I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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