Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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